Thursday, June 26th, 2008...1:39 am
#44: Elimination Communication
So you thought you were a Best Parent Ever just because you used cloth diapers instead of disposable? Wrong! Try again. The true Best Parent Ever is STILL better than you – their children don’t even need diapers!
Hello…? It’s called Elimination Communication, an increasingly popular waste-management method that rejects all kinds of diapers in favor of constant parental patrols of Pee Street and Alley Poop.
That’s right, these babies are barebackin’ it. But don’t infants urinate, like, every 10 to 20 minutes? Ugh… maybe yours do. But the true Best Parent Ever is so perfectly attuned with not only their child, but the inner mechanics of their child’s bladder and bowels, that they can track the random mud scuds and pizzle drizzles down to the micro-second! And if they can’t, hopefully it’s not at their house (Pot Luck Childcare anyone?).
Perhaps you are asking yourself: have we really reached such an advanced level of social dystrophy that we have nothing better to do but spend hours upon hours honing our parental “poo-dar?” Why not just Pamper-Up and act like a grown-up, instead of a turd-tracking troglodyte? Because the Mud Hut Super Moms, who can’t afford real diapers, said it was a good idea, and several popular books on the subject have confirmed it. That’s why.
So take that, Baby Huey! You may just be a cartoon character, but your parents still did not love you enough to pull off your diapers and let you spray free and clear, like a Fourth of July pinwheel made of urine and feces. Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo would be proud. And so would the real Best Parent Ever.
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16 Comments
June 26th, 2008 at 2:42 am
Not only did I use disposable diapers with all three of of my womb fruits, I even used GENERICS…..
Because slipping and breaking a leg in a puddle of pee just isn’t worth it.
Just call me “Worst Parent Ever”
June 26th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Woah, defensive much? I cloth diaper my son and I also practice elimination communication with him. Does that necessarily make me a better parent? No. I do what I think is best for my son. Bottom line. My son is 3 months old and I can tell you that he does not like a wet diaper. So if we can avoid that, what’s it to you? I do not look down on anyone for using disposable diapers, so why the condescending attitude towards those of us who prefer to listen to our child’s needs rather than ignore them and do what’s easiest?
June 26th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I was brought up with cloth diapers my kids with disposable. Who turned out best only time will tell..
Chris
June 26th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
wellll…. aren’t they special. I’m sure the baby photo album is a real hit at parties: and here’s lil johnny in the kitchen..oh that? Oh, it’s just poo that the dog is eating..
June 26th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
So blog lady, you’re lying right? This “elimination communication” thing is just some made up practice you’re foisting on an unsuspecting public to further your evil agenda of trying to discredit those people who love their children more than you love yours and aren’t afraid to spend a pile of money proving it to you.
No on would ever do this. Even mud hut super moms are writing odes of joy to diapering (try it with a Zimbabwean lilt): “oh de Pampers they fall from the sky, oh my baby he gonna be so dry.”
But NOOOOOOO! I am a licensed and registered library scientist, so I did what all licensed and registered library scientists would do - I Googled “elimination communcation.” Holy fucking Mary mother of god, it’s for real. 416,000 hits!
Make it stop, make it stop. Oh, and shrillharpy, you should stop by the forum more often. We need you.
June 26th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
HappyParent….calm down!! This blog is meant to be light hearted and funny take on different things some parents do. I find myself saying this a lot lately: at the top of your browser there is a little X if you read or see something that you do not like feel free to use it.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Hallelujah, someone else has a sense of humor out there!!! Well, actually, a lot of us do. But I just LOVE your take on this. It really takes on the mama guilt head-on and makes us laugh at ourselves, which is AWESOME. Thanks for this. You made my day!
June 27th, 2008 at 3:21 am
Defensive? Not at all. To the contrary; I bask in the glow of my own practicality. (;
June 27th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Kaza, you should join the BPE forum. It’s a hoot.
June 27th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
HappyParent- LOL you said “I also practice elimination communication with him. Does that necessarily make me a better parent? No” and in the very same paragraph you said “so why the condescending attitude towards those of us who prefer to listen to our child’s needs rather than ignore them and do what’s easiest?”
Soooo the real fact here is you DO think your a better parent than all of us lazy ass parents that prefer to do what’s easiest.
Get a grip
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
As the aunt of an infant with my own little one on the way, and having cleaned up many an “oopsie” when my step son was younger… all I have to say is… ewwwwwwwww.
No one would seriously just “allow” their child to go to the bathroom whenever and WHERE EVER they feel like it correct?
I mean… there is a practical REASON that everyone freaks out in that scene in Caddyshack when they suspect that the candy bar in the pool is shit right? I’m not insane in thinking that the reason feces and urine are disposed of in a hygenic manner is to avoid the spread of DISEASE no???
Oh well… color me un-BPE but isn’t it completely against the Best Parent Ever crede to do something so ahem… “un-green?” One could argue that having to wash all those lil bitty clothes everytime a small one has an accident would definetly increase the carbon footprint…no?
July 4th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Lol..You shoulda seen this baby in the newborn nursery today!
He was squirming, going red…everything..I was like well look at you…I know thats a big one you’re letting loose!
He poopied everywhere. I had to change some twins today…it was an experience I wont forget..One boy one girl. I had fun. I’d like to be a pediatrician or a ob doctor.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I find this offensive, for one reason: if you’re going to take the piss out of something, you might want to actually research it first.
The above poster was right - nobody in their right minds would let a child poo everywhere and anywhere they wanted to. That is not what EC is all about. Most parents who EC use nappies.
Laugh all you like (It is funny!) but don’t bother if you’re not even going to try to understand.
July 12th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
“turd-tracking troglodyte”
Best use of alliteration I have heard all YEAR!!
July 18th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I have better things to do that hovering over my baby waiting for Nature to call all day long. I have two children….it would be seriously impractical for me to obsess over the toilet habits of a baby. Whatever. I even use those Spawn Of Satan disposable diapers. ShrillHarpy, move over on the Bad Parent bench and make room for my pregnant hiney, would you? Sounds like we’re two of a kind.
August 16th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
“The above poster was right - nobody in their right minds would let a child poo everywhere and anywhere they wanted to. That is not what EC is all about. Most parents who EC use nappies.”
You mean you have them take a nap while you clean up the poo mess they made?
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