Saturday, May 3rd, 2008...3:48 pm
Results of 2008 Dumbest Baby Name Ever Contest
The Polls have closed and the 2008 Dumbest Baby Name Ever is…
Shi’thead.
Congratulations, Shi’theads everywhere. Your name is officially dumbest.
The Best Parent Ever is so much better than you because they have created an entirely new linguistic form to apply to their very special and unique (and better) children. It is the Dumb Baby Name.
Nearly 500 Dumb Baby Names were submitted by readers in our recent contest. The editors of BestParentEver.com chose six finalists for the following reasons…
Abcde (pronounced “Absedee”) — We chose this for the sheer laziness of it. Need a baby name? Just take the first five letters of the alphabet.
EPSN (pronounced “Espin”) — More like W.T.F.? And what if the parents suddenly start watching Fox Sports instead? Probably the only thing worse than having an unwanted name tattooed on your flesh, is having your kid named after a network you no longer watch.
Orangello and Lemongello (pronounced like they are spelled, but with a “jello” sound) — We like these names because they sound like dessert or after-dinner drinks. The advantages to this is that you can be in a restaurant, shouting at your kids, and the waiter might think you’re just ordering very loudly. The next thing you know, a dish of something sweet and alcoholic shows up. Best Parent Ever wins again! (Added bonus: the urban dictionary defines Lemongello as “a given name meaning your butt is the widest part of your body.” Orangello means “the mother of all flotsam.”)
Nevaeh (”heaven” spelled backwards) — There is a whole subgenre of Dumb Baby Names in which a perfectly normal name is spelled backwards. Why? So the child can one day see “heaven” in the mirror? Or are these parents just dyslexic? And what happens when you combine a backwards spelling parent with a plain old lazy Dumb Name Parent. Can the name “Edcba” (”Abcde” backwards) be far behind?
Xy (pronounced “Zie”) — Is this child named after their chormosomal contents? Who knows! It was one of many outstanding X names submitted, including Xyler (pronounced “Zyler”) and Xyz (pronounced “Zice”). Face it: English-speaking people don’t know how to pronounce names that begin with X. So even if you named your kid Xavier, you’re still asking for trouble.
Shi’thead — Pronounced “Shi’thaad.” Maybe in some parts of the world this is a perfectly normal name. But here it is just pure evil parenting genius.
18 Comments
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:46 pm
My favorite is ESPN.
May 6th, 2008 at 2:42 am
This just HAS to be shared with all of you “Best Parents” out there. My husband knows of a Hispanic gentleman with the name Asswipe. It was pronounced Ah-swee-pay. Now that’s funny! We can only conclude it was the first “name” he saw on the bathroom stall wall.
May 6th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Espn Curiel, born 9/24/2000
(http://www.caller2.com/2001/april/04/today/localspo/22172.html)
and from OutSports.com April 26, 2000:
“A Michigan couple has named its new baby boy Espen after ESPN. Espen Allen Blondeel was born to Chad and Alisha Blondeel in January [2000]. The dad, a huge SportsCenter fan, met stiff resistance from mom until he was able to find Espen in a baby-naming book. It means “God-bear” in Danish.”
May 23rd, 2008 at 11:50 am
Hey Late Entry - that was an SNL skit with Nic Cage!
May 29th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
The name tag is hilarious!
June 5th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
OMG! I actually taught a kid named Shi’thead YEARS ago. My first day when I had to call attendance, I just about DIED! (I actually did a blog post about it a while ago)
I was a foster parent for YEARS and honestly, I came in contact with some SERIOUSLY BAD names that way too…
Twins named Theresa & Terri (DUH!)
A child named Pajama (pronounced Paj-u-muh)
People are just WRONG!
June 18th, 2008 at 2:56 am
The worst name I ever heard of was told to me by my Dad. He was in Holland at the end of WWII (he was in the army) and met a girl named Fukya. It was pronounced f*ck-yah. Hope she never moved to an English speaking land.
June 18th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Worst I’ve heard is a couple who used ‘Pom-Pom’ as a middle name.
And they were from England…they were poms. Two of them. Made a baby pom.
Pom-Pom…makes sense I guess.
June 22nd, 2008 at 6:02 am
The 1st, 3rd and 5th names are total Urban Legends. As are the ones about Asswipe and the STDs.
I refuse to believe that anyone has any of these names until I meet them.
June 29th, 2008 at 5:32 am
I’m a nurse and work in an NICU. The babies with the best names I’ve ever personally met:
Female (pronounced Fe’Mah-Lay)
Conscience Sincere Promise Jones-Jackson (we’ll call her Connie)
Mayne Jayal. (mom was in the Main st. jail)
There’s more… but these are the best.
July 6th, 2008 at 7:03 am
my university roommate had friends with the last name Rabbit..their kids were Jack, Peter and BUNNY. I didn’t believe her until she got her high school year book out and showed me.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I knew a girl who’s name was Crystal Meth Johnson.
Not joking, I saw her driver’s license.
July 20th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Camkin, I know it’s hard to believe, but I actually know a child named Abcdee…..the best part is when her parents got pregnant with their second child they were trying to figure out how to do something with the last 6 letters of the alphabet! I also worked with a Physician who had delivered a baby for a spanish speaking woman who wanted to name her baby “female” because that is the name she “came with” (think about the little hospital bracelets that have gender on them. This same Physician also delivered a baby who the mom wanted to name her daughter Gonorrhea (pronounced Gone-or-rhea). I haven’t known her to make up stories!
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:07 am
I work for a newspaper and write in the birth announcements. I’ve seen quite a few really terrible ones.
I remember these two girls not long ago - twins - their last name was Bridges. The girls’ names were “Brooklyn” and “London.”
Some people just shouldn’t breed.
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:38 am
I can’t believe I just learned about this blog today! So much to catch up with.. But, the dumb baby-name contest is by far the funniest I’ve seen..
What were all these people thinking when naming their child/ren? I mean, even if you are from another country where Shi’thead means whatever-spiritual-thing, if you are leaving in an English-speaking country you should re-consider the name: A LOT!! It is unfair and even mean to name your child something like that.. They will be teased and made fun at even after they that… Just aweful..
As for the others.. classic laziness.. People do go to great lengths to be “unique” I guess..
July 30th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
My husband taught at a middle school in Georgia in the early 90’s. There was a set of twins named Cadillac and Hawaii. He assumed it related to their conception. Sigh.
July 31st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
I think the worst one that I’ve ever seen in real life was about 8 years ago. A gal I worked with named her little girl…D’Nasty. Pronounced Dynasty. I guess Dynasty isn’t so bad, but with the spelling that they used… come on! I feel sorry for that little girl. The boys will have a hay day with that one once she’s in Jr. High. Poor kid.
August 6th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I have to add a couple more to this. I am appalled but at the same time getting a laugh at these crazy names. I have to reiterate that my mom, a nurse, was present when a woman named her child Female so yes it’s real. My biology teacher in HS was Harry Butts and his daughter’s name is Kisha. My husband went to college with Dickson Hand. Enjoy!
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