Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008...3:11 pm
#19: Baby Sign Language
Best Parents have only one speed for their children: accelerated. And what better way to provide a head start on that rugrat race of life than teaching their newborns how to communicate in sign language — well before they can talk, walk, or even hold their own heads up for more than a few seconds at a time.
This is because the Best Parent is better than you. And they have the studies to prove it. But, the non-best parent asks, don’t these people realize that the average six-month old only really needs to express three things: “I’m hungry. I’m tired. I just pooped myself.” Beyond that, what kind of extended conversations do Best Parents expect to have with their infants? Perhaps a literary discussion of the underlying themes and metaphors of the latest pop-up book they’ve teethed on.
The typical newborn, just a few months earlier, was little more than fallopian caviar. Now they’re deeply immersed in the shock and awe of simply being alive. That seems like a much more profound thought to dwell on than how to twist their index finger, pinky and thumb into the love sign for parental approval. Unless of course, those parents are Best ones, who require constant reassurance that they, and they alone, are the single greatest beings in the entire universe.
So take that, hearing impaired people of the world! Your once vital form of communication has been co-opted by the shameless and virulent ambitions of the gung-ho Best Parent attempting to fast-track their spawn. Just try to say that in sign language. You can’t. And that’s why the Best Parent is better than you.
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11 Comments
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
lol i love the so take that!!!! this is why you’re one of the top blogs
- http://www.anythingblack.net
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:09 am
“fallopian caviar” LMFAO
I would make that my phrase-for-the-day if it wasn’t 7 in the evening and I didn’t work @ a library!
{just cannot figure how to work the quip into conversation here, will write back if I figure it out}
Those books and DVDs go like hotcakes here and of course so do the children’s books…once we shell them out we all go home to our white kids and have a glass of wine
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
This is a great post again, I have taught sign language to my kids in an effort to get them to communicate by some other means than whinning and pointing at what they want. We teach them please, more, and thank you. By the time I can get them to say Duck, Banana, or anything more complex they were both talking anyway.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:04 pm
“Fallopian Caviar…” Brilliant! This is the black-white parent again. There is nothing I detest more than sign language. But here is how I’m better than the “non-white” parent: I had my 2 year -old sit through a comprehensive psychoeducational evaluation to reassure myself that she was a little bit more genius than I had assumed. I now have documented proof that all of the books, structured play, themed parties, hand-picked peers, no TV, blood, sweat and red wine have paid for themselves ten-fold.
My documentation will be carefully handed over to some school administrator when I convice them that my child has no business learning with children of her own age, but must be advanced to the next level.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:19 pm
A photo of my Black son signing: http://health.discovery.com/centers/kids/babyfingers/babyfingers_02.html
Does that make him white?
Please advise.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:44 am
Just make sure to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS speak to the baby while signing…I heard many parents worry about a child’s speak development delay because the child rather would use ASL than talk. Always talk with the ASL and the child’s language development will continue on track.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I agree … the term “fallopian caviar” is brilliant! My kids didn’t sign back until 9 and 11 months though
April 11th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
jersey– the problem is that “baby sign language” is not standard ASL, it is a series of gestures that was created by child psychologists. personally, I don’t understand the need for “baby sign language.” infants have communicated need perfectly for the past 2000+ years, why confuse them with something they don’t even need?
May 20th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Hey, don’t knock it til you try it.
I started signing with my son at 4 months and by 7 months he was signing back, ‘more’, ‘all done’, ‘up’, ‘outside’, ‘book’, ‘drink’ and a few others. It was fantastic to see the satisfaction on his face when I showed I understood what he wanted and was so much more effective than grunting, squaking and screaming fits to try to get the message across. Now at 13 months he’s using more words and the signing is falling by the wayside but I’m so thankful for the boost it gave to our early communication.
It takes an effort but it’s worth it.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:01 am
LMAO at fallopian caviar! We do use sign language. But it’s ASL, not “baby sign language.” Mostly dh and I use it to make fun of people in public. Our 1 year old daughter has picked up some signs in the meantime. She is definitely well-versed in our sign for “rollerpig.” That’s a fat lazy sack of crap who needs a Rascal rather than walk on their own 2 feet. (For the politically correct: glandularly enhanced-feces receptacle who chooses to use a motorized means of conveyance rather than utilize their lower appendages.)
June 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
[...] We taught Lauca baby sign language, wanky white parent thing for sure, but can’t recommend it [...]
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